In a world where the two different genders of male and female are growing apart as quickly as they are seemingly blending into one I am becoming not only increasingly confused at all of the different labels there are now (trans, pans, etc,) but I am also becoming more and more thankful that I was born a boy. Now this isn’t for any gender confused reason. It is purely because I don’t think I would be able to hack being a girl. They go through so much more stuff every single day when compared to their male counterparts that I think I would just give up and cry in a corner.
Let’s compare an average day. My day is simple. I awake to my espresso wake up call. I’ll roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to relieve myself and brush my teeth (occasionally both at the same time if I’m feeling talented.) After that I will jump in the shower for five or so minutes, run my hands through my hair and dry myself in about five seconds flat. Two minutes of blow drying my hair and I’m on to the tough choice of which outfit to wear. Every morning my thought process is something along the lines of “Right, there’s the jeans sorted now for the hard part. Do I want the white t-shirt or the blue one?” That is literally the hardest decision I have to make during my morning routine. I don’t know if that backs up the point I am trying to make our whether it just says more about my fashion sense but nevertheless it is still a very valid point for many men all around the world.
Now let’s take a look at a girl’s daily routine. It isn’t until you have a girlfriend that you start to pick up on a lot of the things I am about to list, but once you do you really start to notice just how much more effort is required. Firstly comes the early alarm. Apparently this is purposely set to ensure that there is enough time each morning to get ready. Who knew that this was an issue! Then comes the painfully long process of showering. I don’t know what they do in there and probably don’t want to but every female I have ever come across takes an absolute age when showering and God forbid if they need to wash their hair as well. You may as well pitch a tent because you’re in there for the long haul. After the shower comes the four hour process of drying the hair which is an understandable one as if this is not right the first time then it will have to be redone again and again so lets just all be thankful for this. Once the hair is dry then it’s finally time for the make up to be put on and as I’m sure both genders can testify this takes longer than it did for man to reach the moon.
Now I’m not being a kiss-arse here, but I think my girlfriend looks perfect without her makeup on, but nonetheless she insists on it even when we are just running to the shop on the corner of the road so it just become a part of life. I’ve been reliably informed that this is normally a self confidence thing and due to years of being told they should be pretty and look like the women in magazines every moment in the day if girls don’t do their face they don’t feel like themselves. It’s wrong I know but that is what years of pressure on half of the population of the earth will do for ya! Only once the make up is on and dry will it be time to pick the outfit, and apparently saying that girls should take the same approach as me and simply put on whatever nearest is a view that is frowned upon. Once this is all done it is finally time to go wherever it was you were heading, whether that be the shop on the corner of the road or on holiday.
Like I said. I’m glad I was born male. Well done girls. I couldn’t do it.